


Half-Broken Truths

by FireEye



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28572855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireEye/pseuds/FireEye
Summary: After Ilos and the attack on the Citadel, Shepard finds herself hiding a lot more than usual behind the facade ofCommander.  Only most of it is benign.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard/Ashley Williams
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4
Collections: Holly Poly 2020





	Half-Broken Truths

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ziskandra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziskandra/gifts).



The Presidium was in shambles.

The atmospheric fields were still in place, but the illusion of a pleasant afternoon sky was gone. The Alliance and Citadel fleets crowded the nebula above, each ship drifting its own course in a highly regimented pattern that appeared nothing short of chaos. Debris – everything from ship fragments to shorn station bulkheads – were scattered and lodged along the formerly pristine walkways and skyways, and the fountains gurgled murky water.

Yet, trees still dotted the view, not unlike the resilient blades of grass that grew between cracks in the pavement. And amidst the patches of scorched earth, long stretches of green remained.

Not everything had been ruined in Sovereign’s attack, and there was an anthill-like bustle of activity – C-Sec, Alliance, Turians, Asari, Elcor, and even the occasional Volus – working hard to fix that which had.

They ignored her.

She ignored them.

Eyes on the Citadel Tower, Shepard sat with her back to the walkway railing.

Her implant chimed.

Which... considering she had _turned it off_ , meant someone forcibly booting it remotely.

The back of her head hit the metal rung behind it.

_“Commander, you there?”_

She examined her hands, and didn’t answer.

 _Delaying the inevitable_.

Before long at all, the measured gait of a markedly well-polished pair of Alliance-issue boots split from the meandering foot traffic not far off, and carried their owner towards her position.

“Found her,” Kaidan reported duly. “Relay monument.”

Strolling right up in front of her, the lieutenant dropped his hand from his implant. The set of his eyes suggested he was holding back a wry smile.

As though he found her antics amusing.

Regarding him coolly, Shepard wrapped her arms loosely around her knees.

“Enjoying the weather, Commander?”

“We just saved the galaxy, Alenko. Am I not entitled to a little abdication from responsibility?”

“Yeah, well...” His smile broke, and Shepard did her best to ignore the twinge it evoked in her chest. “Orders from higher up. Anderson said to keep an eye on you.”

“Tell him I gave you the slip; I promise he knows me better than to hold it against you.”

“No can do, Shepard.”

She grit her teeth.

“How’s the arm?”

“Fine.”

Before he could press her further, a lively _“Hey!”_ cut across the Presidium.

Ashley strolled out of the crowd to join them. Shepard scowled, and glared in her direction.

It bounced right off her, and her cheerful smile didn’t so much as waver.

“We are a _bright_ little ray of sunshine this morning, I see.”

Not like they weren’t trying to help her.

“The _Normandy_ still in dry dock?”

“Nope,” Ashley replied. “Just got back an hour ago.”

“ _Good_.” Gripping the railing above her head, Shepard hauled herself to her feet. “You can _both_ report back to Anderson and tell him that’s where I’ll be if he needs me.”

She swayed.

Kaidan reached for her arm to steady her.

Not so much as a spark, but bare fingers warm on bare skin.

She gave him a look.

He gave her space, and spared Ashley a glance.

Ashley merely watched the two of them, eyebrows raised.

Hand still on the railing, Shepard made it one step further before stopping once more. Her gaze was drawn over her shoulder, to the Relay monument.

 _The Conduit_.

The flaw in the Reaper’s plan.

“What is it?” Kaidan asked, breaking through her thoughts.

For a long moment, she didn’t answer.

She didn’t _want_ to answer.

“They died to save us. They didn’t know who we’d be, or if whether we’d be worthy of it, and they did it anyway.”

A heavy silence fell between them, under the nebula and the fleet.

Kaidan scratched the back of his neck.

“Well we better make ourselves worthy of it, then, huh?”

Shepard blinked at him.

“I’d say we’re doing a pretty good job of it. We already kicked Reaper ass, that’s gotta be a good start.”

Then at Ashley.

Then, with a heavy sigh, Shepard let go of the railing to start off across the Presidium. Leaving them to follow as she had no doubt they would. Anderson’s orders or no.

She could admit it now, to herself at least: they made her feel less alone.

 _But_...

At the same time, she was, at least, accustomed to being alone.

***

With the rest of the crew off the ship, it was quiet and empty, and a little disquieting. Normally, she might not have minded, but with a mind full of revelations, the _quiet_ and the _empty_ were almost too much. The commotion of a full ship would have been a welcome distraction.

As it was, Shepard found a seat on the table. Ashley had grabbed a chair. Kaidan merely hovered, as though sitting down were somehow beneath him.

“I feel like I failed him,” Shepard said softly, without prompting.

“Who?”

“Saren.”

Ashley’s mouth curled into an expression of distaste. She might have regretting having asked.

“I don’t think you should beat yourself up over failing to save _Saren_ , of all people,” she opined, more lightly than she must have felt.

Shepard couldn’t blame her.

 _And yet_....

“What do you think it’s like, having your mind ripped from you like that?” she wondered out loud. “Having absolute confidence that you’re doing the right thing, while having no will of your own?”

Could Saren have come back? Or Benezia? Or... could they have found a way, if only they had tried?

Kaidan’s expression was neutral. Ashley’s one of skepticism. Knowing them both as she did, there was no doubt in Shepard’s mind they would be willing to take her wondering as simply wondering.

They’d been through a lot, after all, and much of it had rested upon her shoulders.

And they hadn’t abandoned her yet.

“I can still feel Sovereign,” Shepard admitted, out loud at last

In the muted silence that followed, she glanced to Ashley. Then to Kaidan. She pressed her fingers to the back of her neck, to base of her skull. “Here.”

“Vigil was programmed to detect Indoctrination,” Kaidan ventured. Although it may have been intended as reassuring, the tone of his voice belied a deep unease.

“...so it can’t be Indoctrination. I know.” Shepard shrugged, rolling her shoulders into it as though to shake off the sensation, “But... ever since Virmire, it’s been there. _Like_...”

_Like._

Like color to a creature without eyes.

Shepard sighed, running her fingers through her hair. There was a hand on hers where it rested on the table, a gesture gentle and kindhearted, and she looked up to find Ashley smiling at her. Uncertain, maybe, but supportive.

And it _hurt_.

It hurt to be around her, feeling the way Shepard did.

Shepard swallowed.

Then licked her lip.

Then, simply as breathing, dipped her face close, to brush her mouth against Ashley’s. Ashley didn’t push her away, only pushed back gently.

Relief flooded her.

Relief, and something deeper.

Kaidan cleared his throat, and Shepard shot back upright. Ashley snorted, and pressed the back of her hand to her mouth in an effort to contain it.

“I’m... going to, um...”

 _Pretend he didn’t see that_ , was written all over his face, as was, _find somewhere else to be_.

Shepard caught his wrist.

“Please don’t leave.”

It came out as a whisper. Harsher, maybe, than she’d intended.

But his expression softened, and Kaidan glanced to Ashley. She gave him the subtlest of nods; an open invitation. _What are you waiting for, LT?_

He stood perceptively still, rooted to the spot, for several seconds longer. Then he twisted his hand out of Shepard’s grip, and slid his arm around her, chin coming to rest upon her shoulder.

“Thank you,” Shepard breathed.

Whatever was coming, they’d face it together.

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy some cosmic dread flavor angst with this little slice of a 'happy for now' ending. :)


End file.
